As you may have heard, CBS recently announced that later this summer, it will begin to air something that somehow translates everyone’s favorite downloadable productivity killer, Candy Crush into a game show that slowly eats your brains… or something like that? I’m not sure, actually. Here, you be the judge:
The new tv show will be hosted by Mario Lopez, and take place in a giant studio arena, with a giant playing board you may already be familiar with as the centerpiece. Teams of four contestants will scale, swipe and I suppose, eventually crush giant pieces of virtual candy for the win. Contrary to your average mobile Candy Crush session, they’re to do it all in exactly one hour, and take with them $100k, if they have what it takes.
Even if game shows aren’t your thing, it may be worth it to tune-in (or, you know… YouTube it) just to witness the technicolor fever dream insanity of it all.
But why stop there? Well all know if this catches on, the competition will also want in on the impossibly addictive shenanigans. Fortunately, we have you covered. Ahead of the show’s July debut, here are 5 more addictive crack-like apps that CBS’ rival networks may want to consider producing if they’re looking to stay in the mobile game-to-game-show game:
Robot Unicorn Attack: Contestants ride heavily made-up horses through an obstacle course until they crash into something. Contestants are awarded additional chances when they perform the most original lip-sync of Erasure’s “Always.” Death drops and choreography score bonus points.
Pokémon Go: Contestants will attempt to locate and trap actual wild animals, which have been set loose around the studio. Prize money goes to the last contestant not mauled or eaten. Celebrity judges Cecil the Lion and Harambe will provide final critiques.
Kim Kardashian’s Hollywood: Want to know what it’s like to be celebrity? Just hand over your life’s savings at the beginning of the show. All contestants are issued their very own line of in-game currency credit they can use to purchase plastic surgery.
Clash of Clans: Our crew will invade your neighborhood as you wage war on everyone around you. Music next door too loud? You’ll be provided with a full arsenal of weapons you have no business using. And when your enemies pussy out by calling the cops, just remember: Contestants can earn extra points for each night they spend in jail.
Bubble Witch: Since Candy Crush the TV show is pretty much a guaranteed success, the spinoff series starring Jenny McCarthy is coming next fall! Shed whatever is left of your sanity, and score points by diving head first into a boiling tub of mystery liquid, then emerging with a worthless bauble we’ll assign value to. Contestants have unlimited chances, or until the third degree burns become too much of an insurance risk.
Candy Crush premieres on July 9 at 9 p.m. ET.
